When it feels like you’re asking for something big from a man and you’re worried you’re too much or it’s too much – never offer him something in exchange/compensation.
If you offer him something in exchange, you take away the opportunity for him to be your hero.
You also make the relationship about what he’s going to get out of it (transactional), which isn’t you RECIEVING. And like I wrote last week, receiving is your SUPERPOWER with a healthy masculine man.
Here’s an example:
A client has a strong connection with someone that is a healthy masculine man but he’s not perfect and he has his wounds from past relationships. She also has hers.
Her wounds cause her to deeply, I mean deeply – like 10/10 intensity – distrust this man (and all men, but we’re healing it!).
But the difference between a hum drum relationship and a conscious one is that in a conscious relationship we are prepared to do our inner work as our part in full ecstatic partnership.
So anyway she wanted to ask this man she’s seeing to help her move. He travels quite a bit and he was headed to her part of the world to do some hunting but also to see her. She needed him to help her.
And here’s how she went about asking him:
This client of mine is a bad ass shamanic healer. She is honorable and wonderful and kind and so she just did what most women would do – offer compensation.
She said this, “if you come and help, I will let you use my jeep to drive around and show you all the cool sights in this part of the world.”
A healthy man doesn’t want to get ANYTHING out of it!
And this need is even more profound when he is interested in a romantic relationship with us.
They just want to contribute, help, be allowed to do something that will make the BIGGEST difference in our lives. BE told what and allowed to do something that will make us happy. Do something that will make us smile and see him as a HERO.
Healthy masculine men actually consider it DISOHNORABLE to “get something out of it.”
They don’t do it to GET something out of it. An effeminate man, unhealthy man or narcissist would do it to GET something out of it. But as I’ve written previously, these kinds of men are not operating from their healthy masculine core which is honor and integrity.
A healthy masculine man does it to CONTRIBUTE. That’s is, that’s all, the end.
LET HIM. Don’t take that away from him by offering him a payment/compensation.
Now let me drive this example even further to help you see the energy and energy exchange that’s actually healthy in a sacred partnership between a feminine and masculine.
If you’re a mother you understand how deeply and sincerely you want to contribute to your children. But even if you’re not a mother, you may feel that way about your clients, nieces and nephews, humanity or animals/pets.
If your daughter or son says, “hey mom I need some help moving, I will let you use my car if you come,” you wouldn’t CARE about getting the car, you just wanna help your kid. You’re not doing it to get anything out of it.
Now don’t come at me saying this sounds ridiculous because women are not children. Here’s where it connects. Mothering is actually HEALTHY masculine energy. Yes, there is the feminine and nurturing part of mothering, but MOTHERING is protection and provision, which is HEALTHY masculine energy.
So THAT’s the same energy healthy masculine men want to give US, feminine women.
Healthy masculine men consider themselves accountable for the safety and care and comfort of women, children and the elderly.
And where the energy must flow masculine to feminine and then be RECIPROCATED, you can reciprocate with RECEPTIVITY and APPRECIATION….
Receptivity and Appreciation are the energies that masculine men value. They don’t want compensation. For them, it’s not transactional.
If you offer him a form of “payment,” whether it’s money, sex, something else transactional, you’re actually TAKING SOMETHING AWAY from him.
You’re robbing him of the opportunity to be your HERO and make a contribution. I know!!! It’s SO HARD to do!!!
This is something almost EVERY woman I coach (including me!!!) messes up one way or another in her relationship with men and it’s something we work on aligning in my 90 day 1-1 intensive.
This wisdom and understanding of energy flow configuration is a key ingredient in a healthy relationship with a masculine person who wants to be your man.
If we’re not receptive they won’t give it to us, because we can’t receive it. They will stop showing up and contributing in any way. It could lead to the relationship ending for good.
If you miss this piece, the energy flow inside your relationships whether you’re dating, boyfriend/girlfriend or married, will never feel quite right.
If you don’t understand this about men, you will feel unmet and unseen in your romantic relationships.
That’s because you won’t feel at a foundational level supported in a way that allows you to deeply surrender (which is the sacred feminine’s spiritual need with the sacred masculine).
But YOU can turn it around by working on receptivity and it’s never too late. This requires vulnerability which is why so many women struggle with true receptivity. That’s OK, we can heal the wounds that cause you to avoid being vulnerable and have you protecting yourself by staying in a transactional domain!!!!
And remember, you can have SAFE vulnerability when you’re with a healthy masculine man.
Again, I am not talking about hum drum “let’s just live together and do our best to tolerate each other” kind of relationship.
I am talking here about relationships that have ignited a passion and a fire that nourishes their deep love forever and allows each partner to feel connected on every level.