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3 Most Common Reasons I see in My Coaching Practice That Have Spiritual, Empathetic, Concious Women Attracting the Wrong Men on Repeat

Spiritual, empathic, conscious women attract the wrong men on repeat because you’re “closing the gap.”

“Closing the gap” means taking action to decrease the distance between you and a man, both emotionally and physically.

Closing the gap looks like driving to see him, calling him to make sure that plans are still on or to check how he’s “feeling” after his big event at work, texting him to see how his day is going, inviting him over for tacos, etc.

I had a coach when I was dating that used to call it, “leave him room to chase,” LOL.

This is an accurate, albeit superficial and simplistic explanation. I remember it was so hard for me to follow this advice because I didn’t understand the REASONS for it. So I’d like to share those here with you in case you’re having the same inner dialogue.

First, if you’re “closing the gap,” you put yourself in the generative, masculine energy which gives him only the choice to submit or flee (he can’t generate/be generous/contribute to YOU, which is the most authentic expression of healthy sacred masculine energy)…….

Second, the “closing the gap” actions come from a paradigm of EARNING love. You feel you need to WORK for it. If you don’t work for it, he might go away, you think, because you’ve got to show him how great you are, you think.

Third and most subconscious, we think that if we give something to someone (aka attention/energy as in when we’re closing the gap), that gives us “the right” to expect something in return.

But….This is a PURCHASE. 😢😢😢

This way of being in relationships actually repels healthy masculine men and places you outside the realm of a high-value woman, because you’re demonstrating with your actions and energy that you don’t know how to RECEIVE.

You act this way because deep down, you don’t believe you’re worthy of love.

A healthy masculine can’t WIN with you because they can’t GIVE.

I am so sorry and I know how painful this is because I used to be this woman.

The great news is that this is healable.

Many of us try to do relationships this way and then wonder why they aren’t sustainable or fulfilling.

And that’s because that’s what was modelled to us in our family of origin, in society, in peers.

What we don’t learn is that there is a transactional and reciprocal element to all human relationships.

The transactional element lives in the world of earning, deserving, compensating and having the right to expect something.

Sometimes we give things to others (our time, energy, presence, attention, care) precisely BECAUSE we want to have the right to expect something from them. It’s as if in our mind, the time or energy we gave them purchases something from them.

Not sustainable. Not fulfilling. No room for sacred partnership co -creation.

All of these stem from the same problem – approaching relationships from a transactional mindset.

And I want to be very clear that there’s nothing wrong with the transactional aspects of our relationships because we live in a physical world and we need physical things.

But if there is no reciprocal portion to our relationships, (as in giving and receiving, not to generate a “debt” or an IOU but because we are in a place within ourselves where we see ourselves as abundant and generous and we desire to give from our human spirit and we ALLOW others to do the same), the relationship will struggle and ultimately fail.

I used to “give” a lot to my relationships with men and it never got me into healthy relationships.

I attracted effeminate men and narcissists, for the most part.

I used to think, I am such a loving and generous person, why can’t I find an equal match?

And what was just beyond the surface of my conscious awareness then was that actually, I wasn’t generous.

I was purchasing.

I tried to purchase love, attention and affection and the only way I knew to get it was to create a “debt” in the other person by over giving. In other words, to “BUY” it.

Then I subconsciously would reason, they HAVE to love me because they owe me. LOL, it’s not funny actually.

It’s a very sad and lonely way to live and some people spend their entire lives this way.

There was a sneaky and subconscious part of me that felt she would never have loved any other way (freely given), so she had to “trick” a man into it.

That part of me thought that if she can just get him feeling indebted enough (!!!) then I would finally win this dating game and they would love me FOREVER muahahaha!

I see this in so many women, too!

It never works, AND this isn’t something we do consciously.

Somehow, in some way, I needed to get out of this cycle. And I did (how in a different post)!!! I married my masculine man and it’s now 14 yrs later and I wake up happy to see him each day (and he does too, LOL, I asked him again today)… and I teach single women how to do the same!

If you’re ready for love but you keep attracting the wrong men, you might be “closing the gap,” without being aware of it. I can help you heal and transform this for ever in my 90-day 1-1 intensive.

In that intensive, we heal the deep wounds and fears that have you wanting to control your relationships which keeps you from receiving.

We work on dating discerningly so you attract high-quality masculine men so you can take your pick and we work on the life skills of reciprocal relationships and how to create them in your marriage (and in all relationships so that they are sustainable and fulfilling).

My clients meet their match in an average of 3-6 months at a rate of 1-2 dates per week but as soon as in only 3-5 dates!!!

That means you could be falling asleep in the arms of YOUR MAN before the end of 2024. And I can help you get there, so just send a DM if you’re ready!

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