An unsafe man is someone that you will FEEL uncomfortable with, and it might not make sense why. If you’re not used to healthy masculine men, like I wasn’t, when I was dating, you might try and rationalize the behavior to yourself as strong or masculine.
But the bottom line is, if you don’t feel safe, if you don’t feel comfortable, if you wouldn’t say that you trust him a 10/10 with everything you know about him so far (it might just be the 1st or second date, but you must feel into what you DO know), then it’s NOT going to change.
I repeat, it’s NOT going to change.
And what that means is that you will date, be a girlfriend to, get engaged to and marry a man you don’t trust 100%.
And that’s a recipe for disaster.
I’ve seen this over and over and over at various stages, including the stage AFTER the marriage, where she finally admits to herself that she never felt safe with him.
You need to be at 10/10 trust at every stage, based on the amount you know about him in order to move forward. That’s HEALTHY.
Yes, it’s HEALTHY not to be at 10/10 when you first meet him, but that’s not what I am talking about.
I mean, you trust him a little bit at a time – until you have a reason NOT to.
So, it might be like, yes I trust him 10/10 to call when he says he will.
Or it might be yes, I trust him 10/10 to show up to a date, because he showed up last time, lol.
But let’s say it’s a little bit further into the relationship and you’re here when it comes to these:
*Do I trust him to not cheat? 10/10
*Do I trust him to tell the truth if asked a direct question? 9/10
*Do I trust him to do what he says he will? 9/10
*Do I trust him to hear me? 4/10
Oh-oh. That wouldn’t work for me. And I am here to tell you that it won’t work for you, either. Not in the long term, no matter what you might think now.
No, you don’t need to be perfect, but there does need to be enough willingness and ability to trust to create a healthy foundation so you can create a healthy partnership that can get to 100% trust, in time.
The mistake many women make at this juncture is to doubt themselves, second-guess themselves, gaslight themselves and tell themselves that it’s only the first or second date and that they will wait it out and see.
The problem with this is that this feeling of discomfort and lack of safety is FAMILIAR.
The reason it’s familiar might be because you never had a healthy role-model growing up in terms of a father figure. It could be that maybe the men you dated in your formative relationship years (teens, 20s) were abusive or maybe it was more subtle, they just didn’t honor you.
Or maybe, like many of us started out, you just don’t believe in 10/10 trust being possible because none of your girlfriends have that with their spouses and you think that’s normal.
Well, it’s normal because deplorable messages about men and women are constant on all media but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a sacred partnership. It doesn’t mean all women are gold diggers and all men are cheaters. That’s only a portion of the population and it doesn’t have to be your reality unless you let it.
So that’s it.
And if you know you want to create a partnership where there is 10/10 trust then the only other thing to consider is, CAN you?
And I’d be skipping an important point if I didn’t mention that there are times that, no, WE CAN’T.
Like we might live with someone we want to marry but we just can’t get over the hump of 9/10 trust that he would cheat on us. There is that 10% of lack of trust and fear.
And then you might be telling yourself that if he’d just ask you to marry him, you’re be at 100% but if he’s a healthy masculine man, trust me he, KNOWS it won’s change anything and for THAT reason he won’t propose.
No healthy masculine man wants to be married to a woman that only trusts him 90%.
So then your work would be, why? Why are you at 90%?
He’s never cheated on you. Maybe he’s confessed he cheated on his last partner and he’s heartbroken and shattered about it and you know in your heart of hearts he’d never do it again because of how it broke him, even if he did go years in a sexless marriage.
Then your job would be to look and see. And it might be that your father or mother cheated on each other and that broke your trust in men, in women, or family, or unity, or love.
And you can choose to live believing that you can’t change that or you can decide that you’d like to trust again.
Not any man. But the RIGHT healthy, masculine, ready for partnership man who has integrity and loves you. A SAFE man. A good man. YOUR man.
You can decide that you’re ready to trust a SAFE man. An if so then I can help you get there! I help you heal so you can trust a SAFE man 10/10. Then I help you PICK the RIGHT man and then I teach you how to KEEP each other happy and nourished in a partnership that WORKS foreva!
If you want that then I invite you to send me a DM and ask me about my 90 day 1-1 intensive where we do ALL of that and anything else you might need for healing, empowerment and sacred union manifestation.
My clients meet their match in 3-6 months at a rate of 1-2 “screened-by-my-method” dates a week. Some are now happily living together, and some are married now. And some met their guy in 5 weeks and as few as 10 dates. You can too.