Men seem shallow and single minded because you’re focusing on cultivating the ATTRACTION frequency in a connection instead of cultivating AFFECTION.
If you’re comfortable receiving ATTENTION for your looks, sex appeal (dressing in a way that’s overly revealing and not classy), personality and accomplishments but you don’t know how to cultivate AFFECTION with men, you will naturally think men are one-dimensional and dumb.
Your connections with men will be superficial and you will wonder why all they seem to want is sex.
You will be the gorgeous girl who can’t really ever relax around men or feel like they care about her.
When you show up as the “comfortable with attention” woman, it’s also a way to protect yourself against rejection.
You can always say to yourself that he’s rejecting you superficially and doesn’t really know the real you.
It’s kind of playing it safe.
You become a good dater but not a good relationship builder and sustainer.
The Misunderstood Role of Looks in Modern Dating
You complain that all men care about is your looks but you’re actually using your looks to protect you from real intimacy and you don’t even know you’re doing it.
And you’d be right (and safe) from “real” rejection that can hurt.
But to start creating AFFECTION, CONNECTION and LONGEVITY with men, looks and sexuality won’t get you very far.
Because if all it took is looks for a successful and fulfilling sacred partnership passion marriage, then all of Hollywood would be sublimely in forever love.
And that’s hardly the case, right?
Transitioning from Surface Attraction to Deep Affection
Let me break this down a little more.
Women are socially and culturally programmed to seek attention and validation from men (and women).
Just look at all the commercials offering you products to make yourself appear attractive; hair spray (you probably have like 9 bottles), shiny hair (I have like 4 anti-frizzers and none of them work), diet pills, waist trainers, high heels, make-up, etc….
And I am not putting those things down (they are SO much fun to play with) but they are NOT going to create AFFECTION, only attraction.
ATTRACTION is generated by having a hot body/look.
Cultivating Genuine Connections: The Qualities Men Truly Admire
And btw, a very important PSE: Men’s idea of hot is NOT what we get told is hot by the corporations trying to sell us stuff.
Men are much more “forgiving” but that’s not even the word of what we think are faults and they are attracted to a wider range of body shapes.
But even so, a sexy body, shiny hair and feminine energy makes men want to have sex. That’s it, that’s all, the end.
- It doesn’t make him want to call you back
- It doesn’t make him want to make you happy
- It doesn’t make him want a relationship
- It doesn’t make him want to spend time with you
- It doesn’t make him want to spend money on you
This isn’t because he’s shallow. It’s because of what you’re leading with.
You need to be willing to be vulnerable and risk being rejected for the real authentic you.
Oh oh. Unchartered ground? It was for me, when I was dating.
And it is for many of us!
It took me a lot of time to show up on dates as the real me. A pretty version of me, sure. But the REAL me.
That means you need COURAGE! Courage, my love!
No risk no reward, love.
The most important thing you can do to stop having superficial connections with men is stop focusing on getting their ATTENTION and start focusing on cultivating AFFECTION.
So you need courage.
But you also need this PRICELESS tip: Understand the qualities that create AFFECTION for men.
Now you know what they are NOT.
So here is what they ARE: Receptivity, Authenticity, Passion and Self-Confidence.
Receptivity just means that you’re willing to be supported, fed; as in nourished by conversation, experiences, food, opened doors for, driven, bought gifts for and be GENUINELY APPRECIATIVE of those things, rather than act like you believe they should happen and are owed to you.
Passion is something healthy men love to see in a woman whether it’s about writing a book, your coaching business, or starting a garden. Sharing your joy and what gets you to light up is also something vulnerable when you do it authentically but and it’s really letting men see YOU.
Self Confidence just means that you’re willing to be REAL even when it’s scary. But even if you’re not feeling very self-confident, sharing THAT IS ACTUALLY is a huge magnet for healthy (SO COOL RIGHT???!!!) men because you’re being AUTHENTIC.
Being AUTHENTIC is saying what you like and what you don’t like.
It’s being genuine, straightforward and sharing quality information about yourself with your date.
A Queen doesn’t answer the question, “where do you want to get dinner?” with “anywhere is fine.”
She is self-confident enough to be vulnerable and share something about herself so the man can provide for her.
Here is a great answer, “I love Italian and Greek but I’m not really a Sushi fan. Oh and I’m a vegetarian. Thank for asking. SMILE.”
Following this ONE tip of shifting your interactions with men from the attraction frequency into the AFFECTION frequency can save you a TON of dating disasters and heartbreak.
That’s why it’s great to have an expert on your side who has been there. 😊
If you’re a single woman currently dating and you’re finding yourself in superficial and unfulfilling interactions with men then this might be your one tweak that could change everything for you.
And, if you want my help attracting extraordinary love ASAP, PM me and ask about my 90 day intensive. In that 1-1 private container I give you a proven strategy for attracting a ton of commitment-minded, high-quality men, consciously and authentically.
We also work on the ways to share your passion, authenticity, receptivity and self-confidence with men so you can build affection with men. And in just 90 days you will learn enough about men so you can partner powerfully, sustainably and in a way that feels like magical ease and leads to a long happy marriage.
If you’re seriously ready to start planning your wedding before the end of 2023 with an amazing man who you share both AFFECTION and ATTRACTION with, send me a PM and we’ll have a very quick chat to see if you are a good fit together.