Don’t go exclusive with him just because you slept with him and feel attached or he’s your most recent “so much better than the others” introduction. This is NOT a good way to create a foundation for a healthy relationship.
You should never go exclusive with a man if he hasn’t CLAIMED you as his. It won’t go well because you will feel like he’s not committed, you will wonder where it’s going and you won’t feel the emotional safety you need to really open and receive.
Opening fully to receive is what the feminine deeply longs for.
Being allowed to contribute and fill you is what the masculine deeply longs for.
But the claiming isn’t on his terms only, you can invite him to claim you. He’s not the boss of this thing, and neither are you. It’s a co-creation.
NO you don’t need his “dominance” you just need his clarity about where he stands with you and his leadership in a direction that YOU already know you want to go in.
NO you don’t need to “submit” to him and wait around fawning until he makes up his mind. This is not how the empowered feminine rolls.
But this IS a thing and I see MANY women get caught up in the cycle of jumping into a connection too soon and too fast before you’ve established if the man is masculine, healthy, ready for a committed relationship.
That’s what I mean when I say, wait until he claims you.
AND…. before you start thinking that you slept with him so you WANT him to claim you and before you go to “he’s the best match for me out who I’ve met so far,” please please take a step back and ask yourself: What do you KNOW about this man?
Is he masculine?
Is he healthy?
Is he ready?
Do you LIKE him?
Do you RESPECT him?
Do you feel GOOD around him?
Do you TRUST him?
Do you ADMIRE him?
Because if you give yourself a moment to consider this rather than moving with oxytocin-induced bonding instincts from the sex or scarcity-minded ideas about what’s possible for you in love, you might ACTUALLY SEE that this man isn’t claiming you, healthy, ready, masculine or even all that.
And THAT might save you YEARS of drama. It might even save you from marrying the wrong man. It might even save you from having children with a man that’s not going to have your back as a masculine partner.
That’s because if you go exclusive with a man before he’s chosen you and before you’ve determined if he’s masculine, healthy and ready, it’s not going to go anywhere that FEELS good to you, nourishes you and supports you.
Instead, it will end in heartbreak, self-doubt, self-judgment and you will have wasted your precious time and priceless sacred feminine energy.
And, if you’re dating for marriage, going exclusive with a man isn’t something you should do without considering this:
If you’re not actively and intentionally flirting with other men in person or procuring introductions form an online dating profile, then now you’re basically married to this one guy.
YOU might not think so, but your body thinks so. She’s bonded to him through oxytocin which is the bonding hormone. She sees him as her provider and protector. This isn’t logical, it’s biological.
So then if he’s not a masculine man, or he hasn’t chosen you, or he’s not on the same page as you about being biochemically married LOL (his body also produces oxytocin but testosterone allows it to be broken down in apx 3 days whereas in an estrogen-based body, oxytocin lasts for 3 to 6 weeks), heartbreak ensues.
“Chosen you” or “Claimed you,” looks like him asking if you’re seeing anyone else, saying he doesn’t want to see anyone else, telling you he’s taken his profile offline, etc.
He might ask you to be his girlfriend.
Or ask if he’s your boyfriend.
He might even ask how he should introduce you to his friends.
These are all signs that he wants to define the relationship and claim you.
It’s a conversation I recommend having in person so that you can be very clear on what he’s thinking.
With that conversation, I also recommend touching on, in generality, what your respective ideas of commitment are.
Mmarriage or cohabiting?
Children and how many?
Blended family?
Who will be the provider and who will be the child-rarer?
When and how will moving in together, engagement and marriage occur?
How to approach these topics is a separate post.
In this post I just want to clarify that if you’re NOT ready to have these discussions with a man (you don’t feel you trust him enough to), then you’re NOT ready to go exclusive with him and you should keep dating other men until you meet a man that you feel ready and willing to discuss these things with, whom you like, respect and admire, AND who CLAIMS you.
If you’re in this situation and you know you need help, have no fear, Emilia is here LOL!
I help you get claimed, get engaged, get married to the RIGHT masculine man and the timing usually goes like this:
Date multiple and meet him in apx 3 months at 1-2 dates a week with my help sorting and going on nurturing dates with healthy masculine men.
Get claimed in about 3 months or sooner by the RIGHT man that you like, respect, feel good around and admire who has healthy masculine energy and is READY for a committed relationship with you.
Get engaged within apx 12 months of meeting and going exclusive.
Get married within apx 1 year of engagement.
This is the timeline my clients follow and if you’re a single woman somewhere in these stages I can ABSOLUTELY help you get to the next stage!
I do that in my 1-1 90 day intensive for conscious, spiritual successful women who want to be in a fulfilling HOT marriage with their dream guy.
If you want that and you know you want help then I invite you to send me a DM and ask about my 90 day intensive.
I will respond back with a few questions to see if we’re a fit and if so, we can get started right away!
Love, Emilia
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