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How to Actually Have a Happy Relationship and Be a Happy Wife

There has been so much good discussion generated over here in the last few days over the difference between an empowered, happy woman and an empowered, happy wife.

An empowered happy woman isn’t necessarily going to want to be a wife. And unfortunately not all wives care about being a happy and empowered woman and doing their sacred work as a wife.

Asking the question about the difference is like asking what is the difference between an empowered happy woman and an empowered happy woman that is the CEO if an international company that has 100s of employees and 1000s of customers and billions in revenue.

I think it would be so obvious to most of you that not just ANY woman can be the CEO of an international company with 100s of employees and 1000s of customers generating billions in revenue. Tell me if you disagree.

But it’s really hard for women, especially some single women, to understand that being a happy, empowered single woman does NOT, not in the least mean that you are able to be a happy and empowered wife, if that’s what you desire.

Here’s why:

First, you might not even want to be a wife. That’s just like not wanting to be the CEO of a company. Not everyone wants the same things and that’s OK.

Second, if you don’t understand men, the masculine energy, the spiritual purpose of marriage, how to nourish and sustain healthy energy flow in your marriage, how to keep yourself nourished in the relationship and how to do your part to support your masculine partner, you will NOT be a successful wife.

This is analogous to if you don’t understand how to manage people, how to read large numbers, how to lead, how to communicate, how to speak possibly a few languages, etc, you will NOT be the successful CEO of a multinational company.

It’s easy to see this in the context of being a CEO at a company but for some reason the analogous wife role is NOT seen as requiring any special skills.

Yes, life skills are transferable to wifehood however my experience is that our culture obscures that precise and specific understanding and skills we need in order to be a successful wife.

When I say successful wife, I mean to FEEL successful as a wife. To be happy, to be nourished, to be fulfilled, to feel cherished, cared for, respected and adored by her masculine partner.

This is why I show up here day after day. I just feel like this is a HUGE problem and it needs the solutions I have created from pure need I had myself.

I saw my mother and many other women NOT be a happy wife.

In my family of origin I felt I was in the middle of a war zone.

My parents said they loved each other yet the energy flow between them was toxic.

My mother was diminished, she didn’t feel free to be herself, to have friends.

My father felt unappreciated and weighed down by his responsibilities as a provider.

Both were very wounded and traumatized by their own childhoods and by growing up in communism. They had pronounced narcissistic traits and a profound lack of ability to see and meet the needs of their only child.

My parents did not have the skills to make their marriage work and they divorced after 27 years. That was a GOOD thing for everyone, but I came out extremely damaged as a result. Many of you may relate.

I was dating and kept getting caught up in unhealthy dynamics and meeting men who were unhealthy.

There were a lot of reasons but one was that my life was very traumatic because we emigrated from Bulgaria and moved 5 times before I was 13. I had to learn a new language (English) and at the time my parents were separated and my mother was not available to nourish me emotionally because she was depressed and caught up in drama with my dad.

This led to me coming to the conclusion of apx 12 yrs old that I was on my own in the word. There was no one in the strange city I knew but my mom and she wasn’t there.

I had moved countries, left my cat, left my grandmother, my home and my life to be with a mother who rejected me – whether she meant to or not.

Until last week that was the hardest thing that had ever happened to me.

Last week my daughter had an infection and a really high fever and I thought she might die because I am a biochemist (and I know antibiotics work in 24-48 hrs and it was after that) in Hungary where I don’t speak the language and the doctors didn’t tell me that they were doubling the dose of the antibiotic. That was its own initiation I will probably get to a place where I can talk about it in time.

My point is, at 12 yrs old I sincerely contemplated killing myself on the roof of our apartment building because I knew I was on my own in the world.

It was either gonna kill myself or warrior TF up.

I warriored up so hard, my online handle became Conqueror when ICQ was the first ever chat app that was online, remember ICQ? LOL

I survived because I became a masculine woman at the cost of my authentic feminine core soul.

So then dating, my very first boyfriend was an effeminate man (because I was living in my masculine), my second long term bf was a wounded masculine man (because I was living in my masculine and mothered him) who emotionally abused me like my parents did and I almost didn’t leave him.

To leave him, I had to move countries because somehow I always ended up in his bed not sure how I got there (trauma bond, anyone?).

That’s what had me at apx 24 yrs old continue therapy that I started at age 20. I also started seeking relationship advice outside of therapy. I realized that therapists could help me identify wounds and justify WHY they were there but they could not teach me HOW to actually have a healthy relationship and be a HAPPY WIFE.

Do you think that if at that time I had become a wife, it would have gone well? NO, it would not have. I would have just recreated the cycle of misery that was my blueprint.

Do you think if at that time I had become a mother it would have gone well? No. I would just be recreating the cycle because I would not have been emotionally available for my kids due to my own unhealed wounds. I just wasn’t healthy enough emotionally.

I stumbled through therapy. And I did coaching with Alison Armstrong in my 20s and 30s. I am so thankful for the woman I was then, going for my dreams, showing up again and again, doing the work, really doubling down on having healthy love.

In my late 20s I became resolved about breaking the generational cycle of unhealthy marriage and raising my daughter/son to be in a loving, connected, healthy home. I knew I wanted to be a mom.

I spent the rest of my 20s in coaching and therapy and early 30s until I met my husband at 31 and we had our daughter when I was 36 and he was 39. We are 45 and 48 now.

When I met my husband, I had been on close to 500 dates since I went on my first date at around age 15.

I often say thank goodness I didn’t meet my husband any sooner because I was NOT ready. I would NOT have recognized his compassionate heart, his low key masculine strength, the rock that he could be for me, his kindness and generosity.

On our first date I didn’t know he was “the one.”

I just could FEEL that he had a really good heart. I liked to think of myself as having a good heart too, even though the fruits of my life frequently showed the opposite due to my wounds.

I kept seeing him and it was about 2 months in that I felt like I want him to be my husband. I told God first. 😊

But I think if I hadn’t done the work to emotionally and spiritually PREPARE to be a wife, I would not have been a good wife to him. I would not have been happy married to someone like him because he is a masculine man and he’s not a girlfriend which – is what most women subconsciously fantasize about marriage LOL.

I would not have the capacity to feel fulfilled and satisfied in my ROLE as a wife to someone like him and IN SERVICE to our marriage which is its own spiritual activation and initiation. Or be a good mom.

That’s why I say it’s just NOT something single women can understand YET, but those who want the kind of marriage and family I am describing understand this and will be wise enough to understand that this is something to GROW in yourself. Marriage is its own calling, its own path.

It’s Ok if you don’t want that.

And it’s Ok if you don’t want a marriage LIKE that.

I am not here to judge or tell anyone HOW they should be living their lives or what their marriage should be like.

I am just here to SHARE with you who I am, who I help and what I stand for.

And I am for women who want to be in an exceptional, happy, thriving marriage, with the masculine man of their dreams, taking the spiritual initiation of holy matrimony, breaking the generational cycles of anything else.

That’s NOT everyone.

And that’s OK.

And only some single women will see…they either have not gotten there yet in their own lives or they don’t WANT to get there and both are perfectly fine.

But that’s why I said you can’t learn about marriage and being a wife from a single person. Single women who want to create that and are honest will tell you this.

It’s not a value judgement in the least. It’s an opinion, observation, teaching point, and experience.

That’s it, that’s all the end. Single spiritual women are my clients. But it’s not all single women. It’s the ones that understand that they have a mission on Earth and they want a happy healthy lifelong holy marriage.

Want happy healthy holy marriage? I can help you create this! Send me a DM and ask about my 90 day 1-1 intensive or my Engaged in 2024 Program open for enrollment now!

Here’s a secret: It starts with picking the RIGHT man!

Don’t want that? GREAT – go create whatever you’re working on that inspires you in your life!

Much love, Emilia

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