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How to Tell if You’re Sending the Good Men Away

Women say there are no good men left but I so frequently see single women dating sending good men AWAY!

The reason is that you have hard time understanding the difference between a GOOD guy – who will be an imperfect man and isn’t doing what YOU think he should be doing – VS the WRONG guy. LOL.

Here’s an example. A client dating with my help met a guy she liked on her second date. She was very busy so we didn’t meet new men and she continued seeing this man.

She loved how she felt with him, she enjoyed seeing him, she enjoyed their dinners and their interactions. He is a gentleman.

On their most recent (3rd) date, she asked him if he could help her with an administrative/paperwork matter because the country she lives in isn’t in her native language.

He didn’t answer right away so she caved into feeling like he ignored her. And when he did respond later, he answered that he prefers not to get involved. She feels that she doesn’t want to be with a man who lets her down when she asks for help so she doesn’t want to see him again.

And this is perfectly valid and understandable for her to feel this way. However, they’ve only been on 3 dates AND here’s the part that single women often miss……..

If a man isn’t exactly HOW you want him to be in the first few phone calls, texts or dates…….it doesn’t mean he’s not a healthy masculine man and possibly even YOUR man!!!!!!!

Like if you need something and he says no, he has a right to say no, LOL. That doesn’t make him the wrong man for you, especially after only 3 dates.

In my case I remember early on when I was dating my husband, I asked him to video tape a show I was performing in (as a flamenco singer). It had been a few more dates than 3 at that point, but he said no.

And even though I was annoyed and unsettled and disappointed that he said no, I didn’t make that to mean that he was the wrong man for me. Thank goodness, because we’re still happily imperfectly together 13 yrs later, LOL!

That’s why over and over and over and over I bring my clients back to these criteria: Is he a masculine man, is he a healthy man and is he a man ready and looking for a relationship? And I teach you EXACTLY what that LOOKS like in real life. Like in actions like texts, phone calls or dates. I teach this in my 90 day 1-1 intensive.

Because guess what is good? These men said NO. That’s a GOOD thing. They are healthy masculine if they can say NO, LOL.

And what single women often miss is that you can TALK about that with someone you’re seeing.

You can work through it.

It’s NOT the end of the world. Maybe they have a good reason.

But because you’re single and you’re used to doing life alone, you haven’t yet learned the art of co-creating.

He’s allowed to say NO.

And you’re allowed to feel disappointed.

And he STILL could be the right man for you 100%.

Because healthy relationships are about HOW you move through differences and difficulties, not about an absence of them.

See, that’s one big difference between single women and happily married women – and this doesn’t make one better than the other, this is just about the skills we learn in life: Happily married women understand and know how to communicate, co-create and be autonomous AND intimate. I teach you this in my 90 day 1-1 intensive.

Single women often see it as a black and white. They’re not there yet, they’re still learning the skills of interdependent co-creation while staying in their power, allowing their partner to also stay in his power (and say NO) and know that that can be handled/cleaned up if needed/talked about/moved on from/repaired/solved. I also teach you this LOL.

So many single women make the mistake of thinking that if a man doesn’t text them exactly HOW they think he should or WHEN they think he should, then he’s rude, or a scammer, or isn’t a good man.

Another example of this is a client dating, gave her phone number to a man on a dating ap. He USED it – yay – a sign that he’s a healthy masculine man ready for a partner because he’s generating.

He wrote her this text: “Hi Ana, I’ll call you in the evening.”

“That’s so rude!” she told me.🤦‍♀️

This man is using the phone number. This man is leading. This man is being respectful and generating. This is a YES!

IF the direction he’s leading works, you can co-create by saying something like:

“Hi Mark thanks for your text, Ok I am available this evening 4-8 pm, I look forward to speaking with you then. :)”

IF the direction he’s leading in does NOT work for you, you then can co-create by saying:

“Hi Mark thanks for your text, Ok I am not available this evening but I can speak Sat or Sunday between 4-8 pm, I hope that works and I look forward to speaking with you then. :)”

Another client gave her phone number to a man on an app as I suggested. It was early in the morning when she sent it and he called right away. She didn’t pick up because she doesn’t want to take calls from potential suitors at 7 am – totally understandable and fine! She was pissed off that he called too early! 🤦‍♀️

NO. These men have shown no sign of being unhealthy, not masculine and not ready. They are showing us the opposite. They are generating and leading. LET THEM!!!!!!!!!!

And if you want help attracting them and keeping them and not sending them away, this is the exact kind of work we do in my 90 day 1-1 intensive.

We look at the reasons why you’re sending them away.

It’s usually subconscious and you don’t even know you’re doing it.

It’s because you need emotional healing, (which we do) so you can receive from them. Here are perfectly good imperfect men leading, generating and holding their ground which is a sign of a HEALTHY MASCULINITY! This is GOOD!!!!!

Send me a DM if you kinda sorta think you might need help with this LOL. We will have a quick chat over messenger to see if we’re a fit and if so, we can get started right away.

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