“I’ve seen you, she said, you’re a submissive woman. I am not,” she said, “I am a leader, I am an alpha, I want to be met fully by my man and seen for everything that I am. You don’t have that problem,” she said, because you’re not an alpha.”
And what she had wrong was the distinction between respecting men and valuing their leadership vs collapsing our space to please and appease them.
The difference between real deal PARTNERSHIP with men vs what I call being a pickle, lol. Which I was NOT a natural at, btw.
She thought that because I was a feminine woman, I was a submissive woman. And that somehow made me inferior.
And there used to be a time that I agreed with her. My subconscious toxic feminist programming rallying against ever being subjugated, ever being told what to do.
But then I met my incredible, compassionate, loving, tender, supportive, kind, masculine husband and I was like, WAIT I kinda LIKE when he tells me what to do LOL.
It’s kind of HOTTTT. LOL
Because I TRUST him.
FULLY.
I TRUST him to never lead me where I don’t want to go.
I TRUST him to lead with my desires, needs, feelings and comfort front and center.
That doesn’t make me a submissive woman.
That makes me a FEMININE PARTNER.
I am also a leader. I show up every day for my community of women that are dating or are working on creating sacred union with their men.
I lead because I happen to be just a tiny bit of an accidental LOL master in this area.
But that’s because I was such a disaster.
In the movie Avatar, the Swahik (Shamanness) tells Jake Sully that it’s hard to teach someone whose cup is already full. But his cup was empty, he said. He didn’t have anything.
And it was the same with me when it came to love.
I didn’t have anything.
I can honestly say I was the poster child for the true meaning of desperate. Like IN despair, desperate.
I grew up in a family that lived in a model of deprivation.
I was raised in communist Bulgaria.
A connection to Source? WTF was that? No, you better develop and apply your intellect.
My parents met at 16 and married at 21, I came unplanned when they were 22.
They were working on their PhDs.
They were raised in a communist regime.
As I’ve worked on relationships all these years I’ve come to see that communism is created for control, and to disconnect people from Source and from their spiritual core, so that they can become controllable automaton worker bees for the “state.”
There is no honor, no freedom, no creativity. Only oppression.
The state will do anything to meet their needs at the expense of the people, without remorse, gaslighting the people that this is for the unified good. This is the epitome of narcissistic abuse.
Is it any wonder then, that I lived in a family disconnected from source and therefore deprived of love and desperate for it, never getting enough, never having and rarely enjoying.
It was my desire to never be in that situation again that fueled my relentless messy dating. LOL
As I worked on healing from the narcissistic abuse, restoring my connection to Source, learning how to see the signs early in the men I was dating…
I yearned for something wild, the kind of life that I knew Jake Sully would have with Naytiri were he to be transferred permanently to his incredible avatar body.
In looking for a husband that was a healthy masculine man (my father was a very wounded masculine man), in healing myself from narcissistic abuse, in creating a relationship that is the opposite of that – a sacred union – I came to see something incredible.
And THAT is the reason I show up DAY after DAY.
If you can figure out this ONE thing – a healthy and thriving relationship with your significant other – you ARE completely changing the world.
Because war starts in the family.
In my family I felt like I was in a perpetual war zone.
I was caught between two adversaries who were more like trying to do love while firing at each other.
My first serious relationship where I lived with him, ended up being EXACTLY that same dynamic.
I realized that if I stay, I will PERPETUATE it.
I would never have a healthy relationship. My kids would inherit the broken model!
And without a healthy relationship, living in a war zone at home, constantly triggered, constantly emotionally abused with crossed boundaries, silent treatments, passive aggression, I would never thrive.
I would never make the contribution I wanted to make to the world if I stayed.
Because ALL my energy would go to fighting the war at home.
I would have nothing for my kids, I would have nothing for myself, I would have nothing for the world.
I did not stay. I had to move countries to overcome the trauma bonds that had me wake up in his bed even after I moved out, without an ounce of idea how I got there.
It was a long road. Many dates. Many baaaad dates. Like 500.
But I learned so many things.
And that’s why now I can teach you.
I learned what a healthy masculine man looks, feels and behaves like.
I learned how to tell from the first few messages if a man was in his healthy masculine energy over the dating apps.
I learned to stay in my body for SHE was the wise one that knew right away if a man was safe or not. I had spent years disowning her instincts but once I came out of that abusive relationship I vowed to never do it again.
I learned and EMBODIED that healthy masculine men want nothing more than to contribute to the women they love, they want to provide for us, protect us, be our heroes.
And it’s not SUBMISSIVE to receive that blessed provision from them.
It’s WISE.
It’s LIFE-AFFIRMING.
It brings HEALTHY lives, healthy families, and healthy societies.
So that’s why I am here. Are you with me?