If you’re single and dating online I have a very important PSA:
Men tell you almost everything you need to know about them in the first 3 message exchanges.
And if you don’t catch everything you need to know at the initial message exchange, he will tell you in your first phone call.
And if you don’t catch it there, he will tell you on your first date.
This goes for 99% of men.
I am talking about subtle basic things that will show you if there exists a basis for healthy reciprocal love.
And that’s detecting if this man is masculine and ready to invest in a feminine woman.
Doesn’t that make dating so much easier? It’s so much more fun too!
But…….
Most smart successful sensitives DO miss the clues because they’re used to using masculine energy in their lives and that’s naturally how they approach dating.
Let me illustrate this with a story.
A client was dating online. Based on the profile he seemed very attractive, educated, fit, socially well-rounded, masculine and an all around great family guy.
When they got on the phone, she practiced everything I taught her.
She:
· Leaned back – Let him lead the conversation.
· Listened to learn – what are his opinions? Men’s opinions point to their values. Listen to what he says with the lens of, “what can I learn here,” and not with the lens of “do I agree or disagree?”
· Left lots of space – You don’t have to jump in and answer every question or fill in the empty space in the conversation. Yes, this is uncomfortable but courageous! It’s uncomfortable now a little bit vs it being uncomfortable later, a LOT. I explain below.
On that phone call, she felt awkward. It’s like he made her do all the work.
He seemed impatient and uncomfortable when there was empty space in the conversation when she didn’t jump in to fill it in, ask questions or save him.
He told her about his frustration with not having his buddies around as much as he’d like because most of them had settled down with wives and kids.
But she listened VERY carefully and because she left space, he elaborated. He wished he still had company to go out to bars, exercise and do guy stuff.
And because she leaned back, left space and LISTENED, she caught the distinction between:
“I wish my buddies were more available for me” and “I can’t wait until I have a wife and kids to hang out with like my buddies do.”
He wasn’t sharing from the perspective that he’s ready for a long term committed relationship even though that’s what his profile said (lots of men’s profiles say that they’re looking for long term and it’s not that they are lying, it’s that they may think they are or they may hope they are… but it’s OUR job as smart daters to distinguish if that’s ACTUALLY the case and if they will meet our needs – I teach this in my 90 day 1-1 program).
See, she’s a gorgeous blonde, feminine woman who is kind, loving, brave, educated, successful, and fit.
Normally, she would have jumped in on the awkward moments to save both of them from awkwardness.
She would have stayed on the phone too long waiting for a connection (waiting for chemistry flow/polarity) and she may even have suggested meeting at the awkward end.
But if she did that, she’d be left unmet, insecure and unsure of where he stands because she’d be working for him, not having him work for her.
His profile presented masculine, family-oriented, high quality but within the first phone call he told her everything she needed.
He actually WASN’T.
(A few dates later, she met her guy and she’s now engaged to him and getting married in October!)
Now – imagine what would have happened if she didn’t cut this off at the bud, and went on with her usual behaviors of not leaving space for him to show himself, not deeply listening but focusing on impressing or connecting, and closing the gap when things got awkward.
She would have most likely gone out with him…..
And because he looks good on paper, she might have gone out with him a second and third time, ignoring the cognitive dissonance of that she doesn’t actually like him that much.
But it felt comfortable since she’s used to calling the shots, so let’s just go with it.
Now, this man is likely used to women throwing themselves all over him since he is a handsome guy with a great profile.
When these kinds of men aren’t ready for a long term commitment, they leave the space and let you do the chasing. You’ll be attracted to the image and profile and forget that what’s in front of you is actually all there is.
But he will never live up to what you THOUGHT you read in his profile.
He’s not a bad guy. He didn’t lie. He just went along with your version of reality because it worked for him.
Let’s say you keep dating, you’re not quite comfortable but you’re not sure what it is. You keep having conversations with him and “working on stuff” because you’re used to working hard in your business or healing practice you think you need to work that hard in your relationship too.
And now it’s 3 months later, you’re sleeping together and you’ve become biochemically bonded to him it’s even harder to see that he’s making you do all the work because he’s not invested.
See, you could have averted all of this on the first phone call by practicing the 3 Ls above.
My dating method is set up to help you detect this ONE thing first – is he a masculine man ready to invest in a healthy relationship dynamic with a feminine woman.
Because without that, you won’t have a successful fulfilling reciprocal relationship and it doesn’t matter if he’s the same religion as you and it doesn’t matter if he has the same interests as you and it doesn’t matter how educated or intelligent he is.
IT. WON’T. BE. A. MATCH.
Send me DM on Facebook if you want my help attracting love ASAP! I help you do that in my 1-1 90 day intensive.
In that private, one-one container we work on efficient, effective and intentional dating, healing and clearing blocks to true reciprocal love and learning to understand men and partner in a sustainable and fulfilling partnership for long-term lasting love.
My clients meet their match in an average of 3-6 months at a rate of 1-2 dates per week. If you’re a successful conscious woman ready for a real powerful partnership with a masculine man who’s got your back, I’d love to help you attract him in 2022!