You keep attracting the wrong men because unhealthy men aren’t OBVIOUS. They FEEL normal in contrast to divine love.
Let me illustrate with a dating story from yours truly lol…
I was about 31 or 32 and I was dating an Israeli man.
He was confident, masculine, and a good leader.
He had his own business and he danced salsa.
That’s how I met him.
I found him impressive.
Dinners were fun, and he was a handsome businessman. I enjoyed his company and chivalry.
On our following date he asked me if for our next date he could cook me dinner at his place.
The Deceptive Comfort of the Familiar: When “Normal” Isn’t Healthy
I told him exactly what I teach my clients. “Thank you for wanting to make me dinner at your house, however I don’t feel comfortable going to men’s houses who are not my boyfriend. I hope you understand my feelings.”
Yes, I understand perfectly, he said. And he asked me out on more dinners, walks on the beach.
I was still multiple dating as this man wasn’t my boyfriend.
At around the time I was seeing him I met my now husband.
I did NOT know that my family of origin blueprint for love was a comfortable normal to me but lethal.
When I met my husband around the same time, there was a small still voice that told me that he had a very good heart and to stay open to him.
And he was kind, handsome and smelled SO good.
On our next date, my Israeli suitor took me to a fancy dinner and then took me to Macy’s. He told me to pick out my favorite perfume.
I smelled a few and picked Pink Diamond by Versace.
He bought me Angel instead and two others I didn’t choose. It was about $300 worth of perfume. I hadn’t gotten a gift that big form a man I was dating before.
I didn’t know whether to be impressed or concerned. I was more impressed than concerned. But there was a nagging question, hazy and confused I barely dared allow myself think in the back of my mind, “why did he not buy me what I wanted even though he asked me?”
Then he walked me to my car, kissed me against the door and asked me if I was ready to come over to see his house.
I really wanted to. But I didn’t by some Divine grace
NOW I can tell you this: He was controlling and also emotionally detached/unavailable like my father (which would be perfectly obvious by his behavior with the perfume to an emotionally healthy woman).
But see, it’s wasn’t obvious to me THEN.
And this is why I wanted to tell you this story.
It wasn’t obvious to me.
After 10 yrs + of therapy, it wasn’t obvious to me.
After 10 yrs+ of personal development work, it wasn’t obvious to me.
After 10 yrs + of a pretty devoted spiritual quest that took me into ceremony after ceremony and magical travels into South America, it wasn’t obvious to me.
It wasn’t obvious to me because it was NORMAL.
I didn’t see it as a problem.
I saw it as NORMAL.
The reason I saw it as NORMAL was because THAT was the pattern I was given from my family of origin.
It wasn’t good. It was NORMAL.
It wasn’t what I wanted to create. But it was NORMAL.
It wasn’t the way I wanted to be treated. But it was NORMAL.
My blueprint being acted out was NORMAL and therefore COMFORTABLE even if it was painful, even if it wasn’t how I wanted things to go, even if I had worked on myself for years to create something different.
That’s because our human brain looks for what’s COMFORTABLE, FAMILIAR and NORMAL.
I remember praying to God to show me whatever I needed to do to break this cycle.
I knew I wanted to be a mom and I did NOT want to raise my daughter in that pattern.
And guess what…here was my chance and I want to tell you that without the Divine helping me in this pivotal moment in my life, I don’t know that I would have made the right choice because everything with my Israeli suitor that would have surely turned abuser felt NORMAL.
I might have gone to his house as he was so insistent and had sex with him and become biochemically attached.
His lavish gifts that were not actually for me LOL might have drowsed me into oblivion.
BUT God had a plan for me for Sacred Union.
This was my LAST Mohican.
Choosing the Path Less Traveled: Embracing the Uncomfortable for Authentic Love
My husband is a quiet man and a kind gentleman. He’s got the biggest heart of anyone I have met in my entire life traveling all over the world. His depth of compassion awes me again and again.
Around this time I needed to make a choice.
My Israeli suitor that felt so NORMAL……
Or my divine masculine match that felt…..KIND of uncomfortable!!!!!!
I am being totally honest and I see this with my clients too!!!
My man felt a bit off kilter and this feeling of “lack of the familiar” made me feel very nervous. I was on new ground here. NOT NORMAL.
NOT NORMAL but….
But I had to GROW into that woman by saying NO to my Israeli suitor and saying YES to what felt NOT NORMAL.
And it’s been 13 yrs since that day and I never looked back. On our wedding night my whole body buzzed with a feeling of “I am home.”
It was a new home.
New HOLY Ground.
A safe home. And still is.
From Disaster to Mastery: How I Broke Free from My Past and You Can Too
That’s why I often say I am only a master because I was such a disaster. LOL
And that’s why when this is happening for you in your life now, I can spot it right away, help you see it, break the pattern, heal and attract your sublime divine match.
I do this in my 90 day 1-1 intensive and I have open spots right now! My clients get engaged to their match in apx 12 months.
If you know you need help with this, I invite you to send me a DM and ask me about it. I will respond back with a few questions to see if we’re a fit to work together and if so, we can get started right away!