Trigger warning regarding self -responsibility: Dating is VERY hard for almost everyone. Men and Women.
And you’re not entitled to it being easy. And you’re not entitled to great love. You GET to create it.
Somewhere along the line, you were promised a fairytale. The world does this in evident and subverted ways. Thanks, Disney.
The wedding photos in the shiny magazines.
The marriage to the PERFECT man, that’s “happily ever after.”
The family with happy kids skipping in the park.
And I see women childishly hang onto that fantasy for DEAR life instead of opening their hearts up to the real human, living and breathing, imperfect but AWESOME men in front of them right here right now.
….Or the marriage happens but the woman is unhappy because the marriage isn’t in the PERFECT PALACE that she thought she was promised.
Look, marriage is not a palace. But it can be. If YOU create it that way.
It’s a sacred dojo. It’s where you practice giving and receiving love. Sometimes well. Sometimes not well.
If you desire a sacred marriage in this life, then there is a HOLY REASON.
I am not gonna sit here and try to CONVINCE you to pursue marriage. That’s up to you.
You either want it or you don’t.
Not everyone wants it. And that’s OK!
But for those women who DO want it….
…and especially if you’re in your late 30s or early 40s and you still want kids…
You gotta put your big girl panties on and do the work, like the rest of us.
I am sorry I don’t mean to be harsh. But some of you don’t GET it when I am being “nice” LOL.
I want to be VERY clear. You’re not ENTITLED to it.
You CREATE it.
It’s a choice. You either do the work or you don’t do the work.
It’s a choice.
Magic happens with the work. Miracles occur with the work.
This shadow of entitlement is really something that I see hidden underneath many women’s dissatisfaction with their love lives or lack thereof LOL.
If you’re dissatisfied with your love life;
Whether that’s your singledom, your marriage, the man you’ve been seeing or the man that you’re engaged to, YOU get to solve that.
The minute you’re willing to get real with yourself about why things are the way they are and how you’re creating that, that’s the minute the change will start.
I hear women say a version of, “I am 36 or 39 or 40 or 42 and I thought it would happen by now.”
So pissed off, so betrayed by the world, so disgruntled, shocked, dismayed.
And I am so sorry. Those feelings are NOT fun.
Somewhere deep down I can FEEL they’re thinking, “Like you mean I need HELP with this? What kind of low-life desperate broken uncultured women need HELP with something that is supposed to be so simple?” I used to think that.
Which of course goes to, “what TF is wrong with me that I need help with this. I shouldn’t need help with this.”
Ya, judging yourself won’t help. Almost EVERYONE needs help with this. Evidence? the World.
Like, it’s not just going to HAPPEN on its own. Not well, anyway.
The truth I see over and over is that if it hasn’t happened for you yet, there is a REASON.
Said this another way, the women who have great relationships, marriages and families had SOMETHING to DO with it.
They didn’t just arrive to the scene, everything all set up for them according to their liking in a new PALACE.
Their husband didn’t do it for them. No he didn’t.
I know, it can feel easier to think that:
-dating sucks
-online dating is a waste of time
-there are no good men
-your family left you too damaged for love (I thought that one for a looong time)
-why does it have to be this hard for me when it’s so easy for others
-I never thought I would ever be here, sigh
Because when we think like that, we don’t have to face our part in it. We get to be in a pity party.
Let me help; it’s not your fault.
We have so much harmful and unhelpful messaging about love in our society. And for most of us, our families of origin don’t help.
It’s not your fault.
But if you WANT true healthy love that lasts, it IS your responsibility to CREATE that.
Like no else CAN do it FOR you.
You’ve gotta do the work. I know. SO harsh.
Blaming the world, blaming men, blaming yourself, blaming your family, blaming online dating or dating in general, is NOT going to solve this problem.
I am sorry.
The faster you get out of fantasy land and into solution mode, the faster you will unsingle yourself or solve the problems with your man if you’re in a relationship.
No wedding bells and unicorns that just magically arrive one day at your door step at the convenient time for you.
You probably know by now that this is almost next to non-existent.
You gotta do the work. You gotta CREATE it.
You did in other areas of your life, right? Your health/fitness? Your finances/business?
Conscious spiritual women need to understand is that healthy fulfilling love takes work.
It’s doesn’t happen naturally or easily or organically for almost all women.
If you’re single and you don’t want to be, there is a reason.
It’s not a mystery to me because this is my area of expertise.
It might be a mystery to you and that’s why I am here, day in and day out writing these posts.
So if you’re asking yourself why it hasn’t happened for you yet, or telling yourself any version of the above, then I invite you to send me a PM (but only if you’re ready to move out of this shadow) and ask about my 90 day 1-1 Intensive.
That intensive is for you if you’re ready for love and you don’t want to waste any more time messing around and you want the solution NOW. Like within 3 months meet-your-dream-man kind of now.
Love, Emilia