Women assume that when there isn’t a high level of attraction or “connection” on a first date, there’s no future.
It’s actually the OPPOSITE.
Many women forget that on a first meeting, this is a stranger.
You SHOULDN’T be feeling a romantic connection because YOU. DON’T. KNOW. HIM.
This ONE thing causes a lot of misconceptions, dead ends and heartbreak in dating.
We live in a world of instant rice, fast cars and casual sex.
We are so brainwashed by social and cultural norms about attraction, romance, masculinity and femininity, that we EXPECT sparks to fly on a first date OR we’re out.
If it’s not a HELL YES, it’s a HELL no, right?
Just because you don’t want to jump a man’s bones the first time you meet him doesn’t mean there’s no potential for a REALLY GOOD, HEALTHNY, LASTING romantic connection.
AND….another crazy thing on this topic….
It’s totally UNHEALTHY that we expect our feminine beings to explode in fireworks and sexual response when THIS ISN’T HOW healthy relationships work for women and THIS ISN’T how the feminine feels healthy and sustainable long term attraction and connection.
In fact, when you have a HIGH level of attraction on a first date, (as in the person is either really physically attractive and you’d put him at a 10/10 on your physical attraction scale and/OR there’s just something ABOUT him, that even if he’s NOT that ”physically attractive” or your “type,” you feel a “supernatural connection” or a “past life connection” or you think he’s your “twin flame”), it’s generally NOT a good sign.
When you do meet a man that you’re really attracted to, whose bones you WANT to jump, that’s actually NOT going to bring out the best in you.
High levels of attraction increase cortisol and put you in a hyper aroused physical state. Because you’re a mammal. I know…so unsexy to think about but if we just spend a moment considering this as part of our happily ever after equation, everything changes because we’re no longer driven by instinct but making conscious choices.
In modern society we view high attraction as an indication of romantic potential and desirable sexual arousal but this is toxic culture programming.
In most relationships, extremely high levels of arousal, especially early on, is actually an indication of future relationship drama and failure.
That’s because when there are high levels of instant attraction and “romantic feelings” and when a man is high on your attraction scale, say, 9 or 10/10, your mammalian mating/ survival instincts will be activated.
I know, it’s not sexy. No modern woman wants to think of herself all dolled up in her dating outfit, make up and jewelry, hair done with mating instincts LOL.
But just bear with me when I tell you this is a real thing and if your mating instincts of securing the biggest and the baddest, the alpha, the BEST provider and protector of the tribe are triggered, you will not show up in your sacred/divine feminine energy. Instinct will drive out human spirit.
You will be compromised by instinct LOL. Sorry, not pretty.
You will be trying to “please” this man.
You will be trying to “look pretty” and GET him.
You will be efforting WAY too much.
You will contort yourself to fit what you think he wants.
You will be too worried about whether he likes you instead of actually BEING you.
You will not be your authentic, peaceful integrated creative passionate divine feminine self.
He will never meet her.
So how could he love her?
And yes, this applies to you even if you have crystal clear intuition.
And yes this applies to you if you’re a starseed and you’re ready for sacred partnership and you feel like you will just “know” when you meet him.
And yes this applies to you if you’re a spiritual healer and you believe your “guides” will make it abundantly clear.
I am here to tell you that NO.
You MIGHT not know because your spiritual insight might get hijacked by instinct.
I see this daily in my relationship coaching practice.
There’s nothing wrong with you if instincts take over that’s what they are for.
But we can’t let them DRIVE because their goal is to make sure you survive by attracting the biggest and the baddest. Instincts don’t really consider if you THRIVE though.
If you’re fulfilled.
That’s your divine feminine’s domain.
And that’s why we can’t let instincts drive.
Because you don’t just want to survive, right?
You want to THRIVE and be in Divine Union.
In many cases it’s NOT abundantly clear because you’re LOOKING for specific “signs” or you have a preconceived IDEA of what your ”soulmate” will look, be, or feel like informed by instincts.
Some women even mistakenly look for certain CIRCUMSTANCES in a person’s life because they have it in their mind that their soulmate will be at a point in life where a CERTAIN set of circumstances are present such as he owns his own house, or doesn’t have children from a previous marriage.
And those (very normal and common) human assumptions and preconceptions can actually BLOCK your spiritual sight and your ability to ALLOW the universe to conspire in your favor to bring you your person.
And also…your sacred partner is someone that is a fit for the person you’re BECOMING – that you don’t even know you’re becoming yet.
Einstein said, we can’t solve a problem at the same level of thinking that created it.
And I want to take that statement one step further.
Often we can’t SEE how a connection fits us BEFORE we’ve become the version of us that we’re meant to become BECAUSE OF and WITH the HELP of, that connection.
Let me try and say it another way.
Your future self has needs, untapped potential and timeline possibilities that are only accessible to you WITH your sacred partner.
And you can’t SEE that from your current perspective.
So that is why I prefer for you to go on the first, second and third date even if you think there’s “no romantic connection.”
And I want you to run away form your “10/10” as fast as you can, LOL.
Listen: STILL waters run DEEP.
It might take a while to feel the powerful energy MOVE.
AND the sacred feminine spiritual SELF you’re growing into might need some time to recognize the energy of the future you calling you into sacred partnership with the person that’s in front of you.
If you’re currently dating and you’re ready for sacred partnership love, which is the spiritual union of divine feminine and divine masculine in a human marriage, then I invite you to send me a PM and ask about my 90 day 1-1 intensive.
In that intensive we work healthy dating so that you’re able to attract and sustain sacred partnership with a healthy masculine man who loves you for YOU.
It’s a combination of high-end dating strategies combined with forever life skills of healthy relationships that are sustainable and fulfilling.