If you’re single but don’t wanna be…and you are exhausted of dating or the thought of dating….
It’s actually your people pleasing that’s exhausting you and not dating itself…
If you’re single but don’t wanna be……
And you are…
Exhausted of dating or the thought of dating…
Having an awful time dating…
Have never had a peaceful and loving fulfilling partnership with a healthy masculine man…
I want to tell you about a really powerful thing I learned and I teach my 9 yr old daughter. It is this:
LET them! (them being others and/or the men you date)
LET them think something about you even if it isn’t true
LET them stare
LET them say it the wrong way
LET them make biased accusations, doesn’t mean they are true
LET them think whatever they want to think
LET them say whatever they want to say
LET them do it their way
LET them show you who they are and make your words, decisions and actions accordingly
LET them think whatever TF they wanna think.
This is an AMAZING lesson and I had to learn it late in life.
I am seeing some of my incredible, smart and spiritual women dating worry too much about what MEN think.
He thinks you’re a prude? LET HIM.
He thinks you don’t deserve more? LET HIM.
He thinks you’re weird because of how you mother your kids? LET HIM.
He thinks you’re too much? LET HIM.
Because you know what?
Most of the time we make up what men are thinking anyway.
I’ve been with my amazing hubby for 13 yrs and I STILL am guilty of making up what my husband thinks when it’s not even close LOL.
So really this post should be more like: Let him think whatever you think he thinks. LOL!
Because can you see how if you don’t have the “LET him” part down you might try to:
Argue with him?
Re-arrange him lol?
Set him straight?
WASTE OF YOUR ENERGY.
But you will do it.
And do it again.
All because you’re actually afraid of what he might think.
All because you’ve been so hurt, you want to CONTROL every aspect of the connection and HOW he sees you.
All because you’d rather focus on schooling him, “helping” him and setting him straight than be with how vulnerable AF it makes you to face the possibility NOT get what you want YET AGAIN
and face the barrage of self-attacks.
IT’s easier to focus on schooling him than on being vulnerable and your own self-attacks.
Your own self whipping to people please.
Because you just can’t handle another heartbreak.
So tell me what TF am I supposed to do, Emilia!
I’ve been to ALL of those places personally.
And I’ve been to ALL of those places professionally, with my clients.
But guess what?
We Didn’t STAY there.
I didn’t stay there.
With my help, my clients don’t stay there either. Because here’s the truth.
We people please, we think, to survive. We think we need to be perfect this time, to avoid heartbreak
Pleasing is HUGE. There are actually 3 layers of pleasing and we heal ALL of them in my 90 day 1-1 intensive so you can create sacred partnership love.
- social/cultural – in our culture women are raised to be codependent. We can’t be too angry, we’re supposed to be “nice.” We’re raised to shut up and take care of everyone else but ourselves.
- familial/personal – in many of our families of origin, we grew up with martyr moms, disempowered moms, divorced moms, single moms, unhappy moms and unfulfilled moms. Or maybe we grew up with working moms and passive dads, we didn’t see a sacred union, we didn’t see partnership we just saw codependence, independence but not INTERdependence.
- instinctual/subconscious – dating is first and foremost a mating journey and as unsexy as that sounds the sooner you accept it and let it work FOR you, the better your dating life and partnership with your man will be.
As smaller and weaker, our cavewoman brain thinks that if we don’t please the protector and provider (even if it’s the protector and provider of the moment because we just met him on a date), we’re in trouble.
Cavewoman’s instincts tell her, her survival depends on pleasing the stronger of the species. She thinks if she pleases her man, he will keep her around and protect her and provide resources. I know you can get it yourself. But your cavewoman doesn’t.
The above make dating and relationships hard. Because ALL of this needs to be healed and integrated for a powerful union to last.
You can’t very well have cavewoman running the show, right?
In my 90 day 1-1 intensive these are some of the exact self-sabotaging and love & connection sabotaging behaviors we heal once and for all so that you can create an empowered partnership with your dream man.
You can come to a place of center of self and LET HIM.
And you know what’s really cool?
Suddenly when you’re willing to let men think whatever they want to think and do whatever they want to do and make it mean absolutely NOTHING about you and who you are and what you’re capable of then it’s a whole new world.
Because then you also start to LET HIM show up in unprecedented ways.
You’ve given up controlling him, contorting yourself and perfection.
When you stop being busy fighting to be on guard so you can NOT let him do all the terrible things that you’ve experienced before…..
You start to LET HIM
LET him say whatever he wants to say
do whatever he wants to do
think whatever he wants to think
You make your move accordingly.
THAT is feminine power.
and suddenly, as if by magic…….
He’s SUPPORTING YOU
He’s SEEING YOU
HE’s GOT you
He’s FOR you
He’s on your side
on your team
on your same wavelength
When you stop BRACING
you can start EMBRACING
and that’s when miracles happen with all things in all ways
and with Men,
and also when your partner actually can get INTO your space
and create UNION
Because you finally LET him IN
If you’re ready to LOVE dating, meet an ocean of high quality men who are masculine and ready for a real relationship, then I invite you to send me a DM and ask me about my 90 day 1-1 intensive.
In that intensive we work on 3 simple things; dating strategy, your healing and empowerment and understanding men.
With my help my clients meet their guy in an average of 5-10 dates and you can, too!