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Trauma Isn’t the Experience of Adversity

When you are used to dealing with the “hard” things in life alone since childhood, you might not have the felt experience or the security in the knowledge, that you can deeply depend on your healthy masculine partner (or a date).

When I help my clients with dating, one of the hardest thing for them is remembering that they are no longer alone.

Gabor Mate said in a video I saw recently, that trauma isn’t the experience of adversity in childhood.

He says, trauma is the experience of adversity and then being ALONE with it as a child and not having the tools, skills and support to process the emotions.

And many of us subconsciously continue the pattern of being alone in our adversity and difficult moments, rather than leaning on others – especially men.

These kinds of patterns, when left unaddressed and unhealed, actually prevent us from achieving the spiritual growth needed in order to create sacred union with the masculine.

That’s because Sacred Partnership requires the willingness to hear , feel and express vulnerable needs, deep down needs, needs that might feel scary and secret to say out loud.

But if we approach this “willingness to share our needs” from the perspective that healthy men respond to women…

And that healthy masculine men want to give us everything our heart desires…truly…

Then OUR job as sacred feminine partners is to dig deep within and bring to the surface our deepest desires and express them to our beloved (or our date) in a way that sets him up for success to provide them.

Setting him up for success means first, sharing the quality information of the newly discovered need but it also means giving him precise examples of what that need being met would look like.

Let’s go into an example.

Using my dating method, my students often quickly attract healthy masculine men and experience that men treat them like a Queen.

After a few dates – and because my students are sincere, loving, intelligent, incredible, women who are doing their PART to understand themselves, men and use that knowledge to be a good partner – they often experience that sooner or later, the men that stick around through our somewhat “robust” filtering, lol, would do anything they ask.

My students inspire men’s instincts to provide and activate the divine masculine within men through their RECEPTIVITY.

It can be a bit overwhelming for the independent woman who is used to doing it all alone.

There is an experience for highly sensitive, high achieving women that they need to be on their toes then.

What if I don’t want everything he’s offering? I need the awareness to say yes and to say no. If I am receiving all of it, sometimes it’s overwhelming.

We don’t need to be on our toes, we can ask to table an offer.

We can ask for time, a day a week, to think about whether or not we want to accept all of the gifts masculine men in touch with their divine masculine want to pour into us.

And most importantly, we don’t have to do this “selective receptivity” alone.

Specifically let’s say, the dates go on too long or too late into the night. Or the man wants to lavish you with gifts, trips and experiences.

We can hand over the having to be on our toes.

We can hand over the having to squeeze ourselves out of the date, hoping that we’re not causing him to feel rejected.

We don’t have to carry the weight of these “things” alone.

Learning to ask for the things that deeply nourish you and say no to the things that burden or deplete you, is a very important skill for sacred partnership.

That’s why dating the way I teach, is actually a training course in sacred partnership.

In partnership, we never want to be in a place where we are feeling alone with the weight of something.

Because if we’ve selected a healthy masculine man, for him, we’d actually be creating the experience of shutting him out.

We’re NOT alone. That’s the whole point. There is someone here now that’s pouring himself into us and longs to be a support, a source of comfort, nurturing and love.

A healthy man wants to be a part helping carry that.

He wants to do anything for you; therefore he would want to take you home at 8:30 pm so you can get a good night sleep and be ready for your day, IF you tell him.

He WANTS to do anything for you, therefore he’d gladly accept the distinguishing quality information of, for example, “I love all your gifts and I am so thankful for all your attention. However, I feel uncomfortable when you plan trips and experiences for us without checking in with me first. I love spending time with you but some experiences can be overwhelming and draining on my energy if they go too late or are too loud or involve large crowds. I would love an opportunity to agree to the trips and experiences first, so I can be comfortable. Is there anything you need from me to provide what I am asking for?” WORLD CLASS PARTNERSHIP, right here, BABY.

See, you gratefully receive his gifts, but in a selective manner. You can let him know how you feel and depend on him for your comfort.

Ready for true love? Wish to be engaged in 2024?

Then I have ALL of the how-to in my private, 90 day, 1-1 intensive.

The teachings and transformation I offer in that container are unlike anything I’ve seen offered in the love and relationship space to date.

That’s because I teach you how to curate a delicious (and short!) dating experience that’s not only nourishing but also informative and instructional in the tools and skills you need for a successful long term committed relationship, that naturally leads to marriage.

We heal the blueprints from previous trauma of doing hard things alone and create a model for healthy and sustainable interdependence in all of your relationships, but particularly in your life partnership.

You will learn to understand men and the divine masculine as the protectors and providers they are and how to select a partner that will be equipped to meet your most profound feminine need in love – feeling safe to surrender.

That’s because you will learn how to select a healthy masculine man who is ready to show up for you and wants to be your King.

My clients attract their soulmate within apx 3 months in an average of 1-2 dates per week.

If you’re ready to do the inner work to call in sacred love in the next 3 months, then I invite you to send me a PM and ask about my 90 day 1-1 intensive.

I will respond with a few questions and we will have a quick chat over messenger to see if it’s a fit and if so, we can get started right away.

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